Monday, September 21, 2009

YOU SET A NEW RECORD, LADIES

Isn't it odd how we can see a picture and it evokes a precious memory within us.



I cry very easily now days, and I seem to laugh just as easily....I see the smile on



Amy's face and it makes me happy and within the same second I am grieving at the



thought of not seeing her again until we are all in heaven together. I think that is
the definition of a maniac....lol




Today was as good and bad a day, as me laughing and crying. Amy and I laughed



and discussed everything but death. The "D" word is one of those things that are



always around but it is like "piles".....annoying but you don't discuss it.




The mass on her neck is just like someone inserted a small apple in her neck.



The nurse said if it opens they will put a pressure dressing on it and not mess



with it. It is displacing her trach and I was concerned the mass would push



the trach out of her neck. She said the report she received was that the mass



would crush her trachea.......I said, I knew it was going to close what airway she



had going to her mouth and above the trach but not one person bothered to tell



us the mass was going to grow so big she can hardly hold her head



up and today she could barely walk, even with our help....and that the tumor was



possibly going to pop open and that eventually she would die gasping for air......



My God, do you not think we had a right to know these things......she couldn't come



home from the hospital until everyone was assured I could take care of her but you



didn't think I needed to know information as important as that!!!!!



I get angry for being angry. I get frustrated over what seems to be of little



importance to them and of great importance to me. I feel grieved for every



parent whose child died a violent death of a mad man and so very grateful



my child will go home to glory within the safe walls of her parents' home.
I say, why am I so fortunate to be with my child until she goes home and
their are parents who grieve for their child whose going home took place at
the hands of a murderer in a strange, violent place. Who am I to complain...
we can always find someone who is walking a more difficult journey.
I FEEL PROUD THAT I HAVE NEVER SEEN ANYONE FIGHT TO LIVE AS HARD
AS AMY HAS. SHE LOVES LIFE. AS PAINFUL AS LIFE HAS BEEN FOR HER,
SHE STILL LOVES EVERY SECOND OF IT...AND I CAN'T BEGIN TO TELL YOU
HOW MUCH I LOVE HER.




TODAY YOU SET A RECORD FOR CARDS.......



A BIG DRUM ROLL..........



49 CARDS.........45 CARDS PLUS 4 POST CARDS.
THE MAILMAN WAS LATE TODAY, SO SHE WAS ONLY ABLE TO READ 8
OF THE 49 BEFORE SHE WAS TOO EXHAUSTED TO READ ANY MORE.
HER EYES GOT BIGGER THAN USUAL WHEN SHE SAW THE STACK OF
MAIL. SHE EVEN RECEIVED A CARD FROM A PRECIOUS LADY IN SCOTLAND.
AMY HAS ALWAYS WANTED TO GO TO IRELAND AND KISS THE BLARNEY
STONE.



ADD 49 CARDS TO THE 148 SHE HAS ALREADY RECEIVED, THAT'S A LOT OF LOVE.
I WILL JUST NEVER BE ABLE TO THANK YOU ENOUGH.



GIVE YOURSELF A BIG PAT ON THE BACK...



YOU ARE AWESOME



I AM CLAPPING FOR YOU.



I AM GIVING YOU A STANDING OVATION.
MY MOTHER BOUGHT A LEATHER BOUND SCRAP BOOK THAT HAS VINYL SHEETS
YOU CAN ADD AND HAS PRESERVED EVERY CARD IN THIS BOOK....EACH CARD
IS LIKE A LITTLE PIECE OF ART WORK AND AMY CAN OPEN THE ALBUM AND
READ EVERY CARD....NOW MOTHER HAS 49 MORE TO ADD TO THE 148.
THANK YOU MOTHER FOR SUCH A WONDERFUL IDEA AND ALL THE HARD
WORK YOU PUT INTO IT.



PLEASE REMEMBER THE FOLLOWING PEOPLE IN PRAYER.....ATLANTA, GEORGIA



AND ALL THE FLOODING AND THE 5 PEOPLE WHO HAVE LOST THEIR LIFE,



AMY, LEILA, JAY, SUZANNE, RICHIE AS HE TRAVELS TO IOWA ON BUSINESS,



LADY PENNIWIGS SON AND HER HUSBAND'S ULCER ON HIS LEG,



PATRICIA, JEAN, PEGGY, MADONNA, TAMMY, BECCA, SHERRY'S FOOT,



TERESA, JENNIFER, MARYDON AND HUSBAND HAROLD WHO IS TRAVELING,



ASHLEY DESPERATELY NEEDS PRAYER, BARBARA AND ROY'S SAFETY AS



THEY TRAVEL, SALLY, ROY AND ELISABETH, TRACY'S MOTHER, DENNIS,
CAROLE, KRISTIE, KATHY, JEANNE, BRANDON, JAMIE, KIMBERT, KIPPIE,
HAROLD'S BROTHER, CAROL'S FATHER, CINDY, MONTE, JOHN, GLORIA,
TAWNA AND MIKE, DORIS AND RICHARD, 2 UNNAMED PRAYER REQUESTS
I WILL BE GLAD AND REJOICE IN YOUR LOVE, FOR YOU SAW MY
AFFLICTION AND KNEW THE ANGUISH OF MY SOUL.
~PSALM 31:7
"TOUJOURS DANS MON COEUR"
"ALWAYS IN MY HEART"
ANGEL HUGS
LOVE
Debbie











31 comments:

  1. Continued prayers for Amy and all your family, Debbie. Love and ((Hugs)) ~tina

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  2. My heart and hugs and prayers are with all of you, especially sweet Amy! I am so blessed that you are all part of my life. Lots of love, Buttercup

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  3. Still praying for you AND Amy.
    Can you please email me the address to which I can send her a card??

    dutchy19 at gmail dot com

    Hugs from Marian from the Netherlands

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  4. Debbie, my heart is just breaking for you. If I could, I would grab you and give you a hug. I pray that God will continue to grant you the strength to endure all that is in store. I pray Amy feels peace, and I already know she feels all the love. Yes, I do believe you are blessed to spend every minute with Amy in your loving home and arms.

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  5. We give you a standing ovation as well. Be patient and easy on yourself. God Bless you and Amy. I pray God's comforting arms around you and your family.

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  6. Oh Debbie, my heart just aches for all of you. I do continue to pray for the Lord to Bless all of you with His Love and Grace. You have all been through so much and I know this is so hard. God Bless. Hugs, Marty

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  7. Yes Debbie, they should have given you all that information about what you and Amy are facing together. Shame on them for not preparing you better.

    I am awed by your courage, and strength, and faith and grace. I cannot imagine how your heart is breaking as you try and stay strong. God bless your precious Amy; may Jesus lay healing hands upon her.

    The peace of the Lord be with you,
    Cass

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  8. Debbie - I am too awed by you, Amy and your walks. May God continue to be glorified, you continue to be lifted up on angel's wings. I love you so much. Amy is never far from my thoughts and I am praying everyday! I know God is working a beautiful piece of art even through all of this. I pray that He shows you the beauty of this; I pray He ministers and shows Amy - that you know it was ALL for His glory - even if the naked eye and our minds cannot fathom. Please know that we love you. Thank you too for keeping us in your prayers - I am awed with that fact alone - that you faithfully lift up others in your prayers and your requests. I am praying for those as well. God bless you!!

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  9. WoW! What an awesome testimony of the love bloggers share...who ever said blogging was a waste of time, needs to read this post, gal!

    Thanks again for your prayers and concern for me despite all that you are going through, I feel so very blessed to have ya'll as friends!

    Happy First day of Autumn, and I believe I see a pumpkin on this page, please come by my blog for your award sweetie!

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  10. My husband and I are so very deeply touched that in your sorrow and great burden you are able to think of others and pray for them. I am thankful that the Lord let us meet through your sweet sister Sherry. May the Lord put his healing hands around you all and hold Amy Girl in the palm of His hand...♥ Kerrie and Bill

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  11. Debbie, My heart goes out to you and your family. What a beautiful testimony of love for Amy you emit. I am in awe of your faith. I will continue praying for Amy and for your family in this difficult time. Love, ginny

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  12. http://www.tangle.com/view_video?viewkey=6571ddfb4455ddfffb63&utm_source=newsletter0922&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=weeklytopvideos

    If you can copy that and play it - it is a beautiful song.

    It is okay to get angry with Jesus - he got mad - you will make up later - he loves and understands - even when we don't.

    Chatty/Sandie

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  13. Thanking you for sharing your personal and inner deeper secret hidden feelings though your Inspirational journal. This has been such a testimony of love. My 10 yr. old granddaughter and I wanted to surprise Amy today and are hoping that a special package will be delivered by Fed Ex around noon. Hopefully, the Ragan Family will "Feel the Love" and it will bring a :) to Amy's face

    The Biggest Hugs & Blessings, ever from Texas
    Carol

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  14. Dear Beautiful Debbie...

    Our sweet daughter-in-Love miscarried her precious baby yesterday and for some strange reason God brought you to my mind as I wept. In our sadness and grief for the loss of the little life we never got a chance to know, I knew instinctively our sorrow would never, could never, compare to yours. Watching your child slip away must be the hardest thing in the world to endure.

    I pray specifically today that God will minister to your every need. That He will lift you up to new heights and above all give you grace as you travel the journey ahead. He PROMISED YOU that you would not be alone. He is will you, friend. He's with you, Amy, Richard, Ritchie, you Momma, Daddy, Sherry, Heidi, everyone, as you face the uncertainly of the days ahead.

    In addition, I pray that each one of us that have been blessed with the gift of knowing you and your girl will learn from the lessons wrought by her illness. May we all live each day to the fullest...praise the Giver of Life with every single breath...and never, ever take for granted each and ever sunset and every morning sunrise. We are all here to help each other along. If we fail at doing that then what is the worth of the life we've all been given?

    You have helped me...you and Amy! Your faith and your walk with Jesus keeps me on my knees! I'm still praying for a God's Best...whatever that is.

    Love to you, dear, dear friend. I'd carry your burdens if I could.

    Love you most~
    Rebecca

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  15. You laugh and cry easily because you are extremely brave, and you aren't afraid to feel either joy or pain. I can see where Amy gets her courage.

    Life is very sweet, even in the midst of misery, and I think the world of Amy for fighting, fighting, fighting for every second of it.

    I'm angry too about the lack of information from the doctors and nurses. As Amy's caregivers, you needed to know what might happen. You don't need scary surprises. Shame shame on them. They need to go back and learn more about proper communication. As the doctor left my husband yesterday, he said, over his shoulder, "Probably your leg is going to rot off." I thought I was going to fall on the floor. Thank god the nurses were there to communicate in a more decent manner.

    I am glad about all the cards. They are just a shadow of the impact Amy's struggle has had on many. And your faith has reached so many. If a card came from every person you have actually helped with your journal/blog, your whole block would be covered in envelopes, for years and years and years to come. I feel so terrible about your pain, about Amy's struggle, but I also know that by sharing it, many have been raised, comforted, educated, and enlightened. Small consolation, I know.

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  16. HI Debbie, I received all your precious thank you cards and knowing how hard it is for you to see made them more special!!! I love them and have them sitting here as a reminder to get more cards to amy!!!!!
    Have a great day, and try real hard to laugh everyday it is good for the soul and laughter heals everything, well not everything, but makes us feel better anyway
    love,
    jamie

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  17. I am so touched each time I read your blog. You carry such a heavy load and you are lifted up as you care for your 'special little girl'. Our daughters will always be our little girl. I know it isn't easy for you. But God said he would never give us more than we can handle. You are a special person - special in Our Fathers eyes. I hope your day is filled with laughter today. God bless you and Amy... and your family.

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  18. Hi Debbie:
    I would be angry too, not to have been given all the facts when Amy left the hospital.
    I think you are doing a wonderful job of taking care of Amy...what a brave gal she is, and you and your hubby too. I hope her pain is not as bad today and that she can enjoy all the cards she is receiving.

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  19. Debbie, I understand your frustration - they should have told you all of that. You are the caregiver. It is alright to feel angry. You are so strong for Amy - she is also tremendously strong. My heart is with you all - bless you and I will keep you in my prayers.

    Love,
    Claudia

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  20. I just had to tell you - my word verification was: "ingrace." It took my breath away.

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  21. Debbie, I just wanted to stop by & say Hi to you, Amy & the rest of your family. All of you are in my thoughts & definitely my prayers. I love reading your blog, although sometimes it does bring tears to my eyes I never leave w/out feeling a sincere hope of better things to come.

    Love,
    Carolyn

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  22. Debbie, my heart is breaking for all of your family. I cannot stop the tears, I am so angry that this has happened to your beautiful daughter and most importantly I am praying and praying for Amy. I so want to send Amy a card but need your address. Please can you e-mail to linda_wright18@hotmail.com. Please give all my love and heaps and heaps of hugs to Amy all the way from Australia. Debbie, I'm struggling writing this message, how can I find the right words, I cannot but please know that from all areas of the world you, Amy and all your family are in our prayers. God Bless you all. Love Linda xxx

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  23. Debbie, God love you. I just can't find words except to tell you that I am praying for you. I pray constantly for you and Amy...you can't do this on your own strength, but only by holding onto the Lord. I ask Him to hold both of you close to His bosom til the storm passes, and to give you His peace. Maybe I can write something later, but for now, I can just sit quietly and pray for all of you.

    Love and hugs to you and Amy,
    Mary

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  24. Debbie

    My heart is literally breaking for you. How much harder can it be than to watch your precious daughter go through all of this. I too can't believe that they didn't prepare you better. Shame on them for sure. Your heart has been made so tender by the Lord as you have allowed Him to work and minister through you. You truly are an inspiration. Who knows what work He may have for you to do with this loving heart you have. I pray daily for you and Amy. May His love flood your hearts and minds now and always. Blessings, Debbie

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  25. Glad Amy has lots to read when she has the strength!
    Hugs and prayers, Lisa

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  26. Howdy Debbie
    Blessings to you and
    to your sweet precious Amy .
    May God continue to be your all in all .
    I am still standing in prayer with you and Amy !
    Thank you so much for sharing with us .
    I am so thrilled to hear the latest mail count ,Yeah God for blogging friends.
    Big hugs and prayers from Texas
    Love Ya

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  27. Debbie, I am so amazed at your strength, My regret is that I was not at the hospital with my sweet daughter when she passed but was on the road there. When her time does come to go home she will just peacefully go to sleep in your arms, count yourself lucky for this. I know your grief sweet friend. Every day is diffult for both Miranda and I but I am so thankful she left me a granddaughter. She has a my space and we have left it up. It is so painful for me to visit. Her name is Stacey Hartman if you would like to read it. So many friends and family have left her messages, Just know my heart is there for you and sending you a big hug.
    Judy

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  28. This is my first visit to your blog and I would love to send your daughter something - you have certainly touched me. Hmmmm I think I've been touched by an angel.

    Is your address somewhere in your past blogs - if not please email and let me know where to send. Here's min casualcharm@aol.com

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  29. My thoughts and prayers are with you always.
    Hugs and kisses.
    Regina

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  30. I wish there was more I could do other than just leave a note on your blog. I wish I could give you respite. I wish I could bring you a casserole and a dessert. I wish I could cry with you.

    As a mother who has lost a child, I know how enormous the pain can be at times and the cold wind that blows through your heart.

    Please know that you are held closely in prayer.

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  31. You have absolutely every right to be angry at doctors who do not provide you all the information. After all, you (not they) are the primary caregiver. I remember telling a doctor once in the very public atrium of the hospital that she was nothing more than a highly paid consultant and that I was the one making the decisions about my daughter's care, so she had better be forthcoming in all respects. All traffic stopped in its tracks as my words (not spoken all that loudly but the shape of the atrium created an echo) resounded into their ears. I don't believe that most had thought of a doctor in those terms before. The doctor did not like being THAT center of attention, but I did get what I wanted.

    Prayer for you and Amy. You are right. You can always find someone worse. I wrote about that in my Mahlou Musings blog in an essay called An Extra-Ordinary Right. Knowing that others get even worse deals, however, does NOT, in my experience, make things easier. It just helps us accept things as not particularly aimed at being unfair to us.

    May God bless and keep both of you.

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Angel Hugs
debbie