Sunday, October 11, 2009

AMY DAWN, MY BUTTERFLY

THIS IS A PICTURE OF AMY WITH DR. DEXEUS LAST HALLOWEEN, 2008.
IT WAS A VERY HAPPY TIME FOR HER, PASSING OUT BAGS OF CANDY
THAT WE HAD MADE FOR ALL THE STAFF. 30 MINUTES LATER SHE
HAD A FEVER AND WAS RECEIVING IV ANTIBIOTICS.
AMY IS VERY CRITICAL AS I TYPE THIS. SHE IS IN PAIN EVERY WHERE
AND FOR THE FIRST TIME, WE HAVE TO POSITION HER AND SHE CRIES
OUT IN PAIN. I SHOULD SAY IT IS THE FIRST TIME SHE WILL
ALLOW US TO POSITION HER.
MY HEART IS SO FULL OF PAIN AS I TELL YOU WITHOUT AN
INSTANT MIRACLE, OUR AMY IS ABOUT TO FLY FREE.
I WANTED TO THANK ALL OF YOU WHO HAVE BEEN SO VERY
KIND TO HAVE MADE HER LAUGH AND SMILE THROUGH THE
BEAUTIFUL CARDS AND GIFTS YOU HAVE SENT.
YOUR KINDNESS WILL NEVER GO UNNOTICED AND YOU WILL
BE REMEMBERED FOREVER BY THIS FAMILY, ESPECIALLY ME.
WHAT DO I WANT YOU TO KNOW:
1. AMY IS MY ONLY DAUGHTER AND SHE HAS BROUGHT ME, HER
DAD, AND HER ONLY BROTHER SUCH GREAT JOY, AS WELL AS
HER GRANDPARENTS. SHE WAS THE FIRST GRANDCHILD ON THE RAGAN
SIDE AND BOY WAS SHE SPOILED.
2. SHE HAS TAUGHT US HOW TO BE BRAVE AND NEVER, EVER GIVE
UP THE FIGHT...SHE LOVES LIFE
3. TO STAND FIRM IN WHAT YOU BELIEVE AND SOMETIMES BEING
STUBBORN IS A GOOD THING
4. SHE IS A BEAUTIFUL ARTIST
5. THAT HER HEART IS AS BIG AS ALL OF TEXAS AND OKLAHOMA
TOGETHER
6. SHE LOVES ANIMALS ESPECIALLY DOGS AND CATS
7. SHE IS A CHRISTIAN....THAT SHOULD BE ON THE TOP
OF THE LIST
8. SHE WAS DUE TO BE BORN ON MAY 27, 1976 AND WAS TAKEN
BY EMERGENCY C-SECTION ON 7/6/76........OH THAT IS RIGHT
ALMOST 2 MONTHS OVERDUE....SHE WAS IN TROUBLE AND
WE ALMOST LOST HER AT BIRTH.......SHE HAS KEPT US
WAITING EVER SINCE.....(THE CANCER RESEARCH TEAM MADE
NOTE OF THAT FACT WHEN SHE WAS DIAGNOSED WITH CANCER
AS A CHILD...IF A CHILD DIAGNOSED WITH RHABDOMYOSARCOMA
WAS ALSO A BABY THAT WAS OVERDUE)
9. FRIENDS AND FAMILY ARE VERY IMPORTANT TO HER
10. SHE COLLECTS BARBIE DOLLS AND HAS OVER 350, AND
ONLY ONE OF THEM HAS EVER BEEN OUT OF THE BOX
11. SHE IS A LOYAL FRIEND WHO IS ALWAYS THERE FOR YOU
12. SHE HAS LOTS OF FRIENDS BUT ONLY ONE BEST FRIEND,
NAMED LEILA, WHO ALSO HAD CANCER
13. SHE LOVES HALLOWEEN AND IT IS ALWAYS A BIG DEAL
FOR WHAT SHE IS GOING TO BE EVERY YEAR....MY CLOSET IS
FULL OF HER COSTUMES....NOT THE CLOSET AT HER HOUSE
BUT MY HOUSE. SHE PLANS TO BE DOROTHY OF THE
WIZARD OF OZ THIS YEAR
I AM REALLY JUST WASTING TIME...I SET AT HER BEDSIDE AND
THEN I BECOME SO OVERCOME WITH GRIEF I HAVE TO COME
TYPE IT OUT....I HAVE TO GET THE GRIEF OUT SO I CAN GO BACK
AND SMILE. THE WAY WE LOOK AT EACH OTHER, WE DON'T HAVE
TO SPEAK. AMY KNOWS SHE IS SO SICK.
PLEASE PRAY FOR US ALL.
ANGEL HUGS
LOVE
Debbie

65 comments:

  1. Debbie my heart goes out to you. It must be so hard to sit there and watch your child in so much pain and there is nothing you can do but pray that the Lord take away the pain she is having. I just don't know what to say. Thank you for telling the things about amy. It makes us closer to her. I will continue to pray for your lovely daughter and for you to take some of your pain away.

    Hugs and Blessings
    Pam

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  2. Dear Debbie...There are no words that can express how my heart hurts for all of you. Please know many prayers are being said for all of you. May God bless you and Keep you..

    Hugs,
    Lynn♥

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  3. You and Amy are always in our prayers Aunt Debbie. I am so glad that mom is there to help comfort you.
    Blessings

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  4. We are and have been praying for you even yesterday morn we were .
    Debbie sweet heart her flying away is the miracle. You wait to see one that is being exposed to you every moment. It is her. Her tenacity of human spirit. Stop and realize that in itself is a miracle of such wide and persuasive conviction.
    Please be held in all of our prayers as well as you r husband , son and those who are now gathered around her.
    We all have a choice the free will. Amy has will to fight. That is in itself profound.
    I am so very sorry for the suffering of battle. In every battle it is those who are left behind that suffer too.
    Learn all you can from every thing you see and hear. Sing to her...I know what of before but if Debbie it is your heart do so.

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  5. Oh Debbie, my heart just aches for you and Amy. What a beautiful women Amy is. Thank you so much for sharing these things with us. I can just picture it all in my mind. I smile when I think of her at Halloween and loving animals. Such wonderful qualities.
    Love and hugs,
    Amy

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  6. Debbie, through my tears, I am telling you that I have been, and will continue, to pray for all of you. My heart is breaking, and I know that I cannot even imagine what you and your family are going through. I am so thankful that you and Amy have God walking beside you on this journey. With love, laurie

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  7. Debbie, my heart is broken as I know yours is. I can't even imagine the pain you feel. Amy is such a powerful woman and I know the Lord is holding you all in His arms. I have been praying daily and will continue to pray for no pain and for peace. God Bless you all. Hugs, Marty

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  8. My prayers are with Amy and your family!
    God is with you!

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  9. Aunt Debbie, I have heard that Amy is not well, I am here for you as well as the family. I am in prayer right now. I am still holding strong it's not too late for a miracle and I will keep praying for one. I know how hard this must be for you I can read it in your writting, I can read the frustration, the anger, the pain, and I am here, please know that we are all here for you and the family. I love you and please tell Amy I love her too.

    All my love,
    Heidi

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  10. Debbie,
    Hello from Kansas! Please tell Amy hello for me.

    Debbie, the internet blesses a lot of people. So many are praying for you all.
    If the internet helps you with what you all are going through then type away.

    I hope to go to the Wamego, Kansas Wizard of Oz Museum before Halloween and take lots of pictures and blog about it. Perhaps you can share the pics with Amy.

    Thinking about you,
    d

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  11. I'm praying constantly Debbie, wish I could do more...

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  12. Debbie...I am praying for you all!!! I believe in the power of prayer and in God's infinite grace and mercy!!!

    God bless you and yours!!!
    XOXO
    Cathy

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  13. Debbie, we hear your plea, and we are praying. Sending much love. I had just written her another card, and it's sitting on my kitchen table.

    Love to you...

    XO,

    Sheila

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  14. Oh Debbie, there just really isn't any words..my mother's heart is just crying for you. I want so much to reach out and hug you. I want you to know my spirit is. I will pray for all of you without ceasing. God be with you all and wrap His mighty arms of comfort around you. Blessings to you always, Debbie

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  15. Debbie, be assured of my continued prayers. My heart aches with mother pain for you. I cannot imagine the agony this illness has brought to your family. God be with you all and wrap His Healing hands firmly around Amy to comfort and sustain her in her suffering.

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  16. Debbie, I am so saddened with grief and don't know what I can say other than I am here for you and your family always. I put together a little something for you and will have it in the mail tomorrow. It's just something to pamper yourself with at a terrible time of pain. There are so many of us out here with you and with Amy, praying for her and your family. I am so so sorry, Char

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  17. I pray that God's sweet peace will just surround all of you as you go through this difficult time.
    Still lifting you up daily.
    Rhonda

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  18. Dear Debbie: I finally put two and two together. You are Amy's mom. I have been praying for Amy. I think I know other members of your family as well. Heidi, is a dear. I love her and call truly call her freind even though we have never met. What a wonderful family you have. I want you to know that I too, am standing and believing for God's perfect will in Amy's life. Blessings to you and yours, Martha

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  19. Debbie, many tears are being shed for you and Amy today, as our hearts break with yours. I will never give up hope...God can still do a miracle if its in His will, and if not, there is the miracle of life eternal for Amy. That is blessed hope of all Christians...its just a matter of when each of us join Him in the mansion He's prepared for us. I pray for that miracle, still, Debbie, and I pray for great strength as you press on with sweet Amy Dawn, pressing in to the Father with both your tears and your praise, because you know He holds Amy in His big hands, and He is holding you, too. We are all wrapping our arms around you, Debbie, crying with you, praying with you, hoping with you. You are not alone, and never will be. We all love you and Amy...give her lots of kisses from us, her spiritual sisters, that love her so.

    May God bless and keep you, and let His face shine upon you. In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen

    Mary

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  20. Debbie, you are in the midst of the miracle. Amy is making her preparation to be with the Angels. There may not be a cure, but there is ALWAYS a healing. We sometimes feel we have failed in the prayer for the cure, many times we must recognize the healing that comes with the Peace of God as the miracle. It ain't easy either.
    QMM

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  21. Debbie, what a strong lady you are. I can see where Amy gets it from.
    I can't say that I know what you are going through because I've never been in your shoes. But I can imagine how hard it must be to sit next to your child and see the pain she is enduring.
    I will say a prayer for all of you.

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  22. Dear Debbie,
    My heart is overcome with grief for you. We will continue to pray until Amy's miracle comes whether it be here or in heaven. Blessings my friend. Loretta

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  23. Oh Debbie, my heart just aches for you and Amy and the rest of your family. You all continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.

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  24. Dear Debbie,
    My heart grieves for you and your family; especially for the pain Amy is in. Continuing in prayer and thoughts for you all. God bless!

    Blessings and hugs,
    Sandi

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  25. It breaks my heart to read this. I've been praying for Amy and your family Debbie since I found your blog a few weeks ago. May God grant the Miracle we so pray for. Sending hope, love and blessings to all of you. Linda ♥♥♥

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  26. Amy and your family continue to be in my prayers. The lord is with you and your family to help you thru this difficult time as long as you keep your faith.
    (((hugs))).
    Glenda

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  27. Hi Debbie, I just don't know what to say....My heart is hurting for you and I continue to pray and hope...Yes, Amy is a butterfly and everytime I see one I think of her. I have continued to pray for your family and will continue always. I wish I could give you and amy a hug that would last a lifetime.....hugs Jennifer

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  28. Bless you sweeties. No mother should feel this pain. Your butterfly is here for a reason... and her unwavering faith has brought people she has never met closer to God. Sending you love!

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  29. Hi Debbie. ugh, my heart aches for you all. I will continue to pray for Amy and family. Sending big hugs from Texas.
    Sandra

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  30. Debbie, the heartbreak and love you are experiencing is so evident. I'm so sorry that Amy is so critically ill and in pain. We will continue to pray for your family. I hope that somehow her physical pain can be eased.

    Please know that I'm thinking and praying for you all.

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  31. Debbie,
    Praying for you and Amy...
    Crying with you..
    Love from a fellow Mom and believer..
    Deb

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  32. She's a beautiful girl from the inside out. You're in our prayers during this heavy and dark time. God is there.....We love you and Amy!

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  33. I just want to say I'm sorry and I'm praying.

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  34. What profound (and bittersweet) lessons we've been gifted by Amy! I pray we might live up to them.
    We're holding all of you in our hearts and our prayers.
    Wherever we are ... God is.

    Hugs,
    Myra

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  35. So sad for you, Debbie. This is just so very sad and not the outcome I was hoping for. I am so very, very sad that Amy is in pain, this is just intolerable. I think only someone who has lost a child can truly understand the terrible grief and burden. I know Mary was at the cross and what a torture to see her son there, the angels wept not just for him but for her agony of mind. And Take This Cup Away from Me, Jesus had said in the garden. But ultimately, god's will is done. It is just too much for us little ones to bear sometimes. Blow Amy a kiss from me. I don't want Amy to go, she is your precious butterfly!!! It seems far too soon!

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  36. Debbie, My continued thoughts and prayers are with Amy and you... I don't even know how to begin to express my heartfelt thoughts to you, being the Mom of only one daughter myself... I can only imagine how terribly much your heart must be breaking.. Please know that I hold both you and Amy so dearly to my heart..

    You are one very special lady, and Amy is such a very beautiful young lady..

    I promise to keep both you & Amy in my thoughts and prayers Debbie..

    ~Lynn/OKC

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  37. What a very sweet picture of Amy! Continued prayers Debbie.. Love and hugs, tina

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  38. Debbie-My heart has been very heavy this week and Amy and her family is on my mind, you are all in my prayers. When I read your update and saw that Amy want to be Dorothy this year for Halloween, all I could think of is her clicking her heels to go home. HOME, we know this is not our HOME, he has prepared many mansions for us and I hope mine is not far from yours my friend...all of us believers will have eternity together, with no more pain, no more TEARS, he will wipe them away, praise God for his plan and for his mercy and grace and love, this is the hope we hold on to and live for, our hope is in JESUS. I am praying for strength and comfort for you. Philemon 1:3 May God our Father and the Lord Jesus CHrist give you his blessings and his peace. OOOOOHugs

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  39. Debbie,

    I too don't know really what to say, except that my heart hurts for you and the pain you are going through. I know you are trying to stay strong for Amy. I pray that you are able to have that strength when you need it. I do so wish that Amy was not in so much pain.

    Loved reading your list about Amy. It paints a delightful picture of her. I was amused at the one about the Halloween costumes. I too have all of my kids costumes.

    Praying for Amy, you and your family,

    ~Linnea

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  40. Amy made a very fetching fairy last year! She is a lucky daughter to have you for her Mom, to be there with her every step of the way. I think of you all often during the day and place you all in my prayers.

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  41. HI Debbie!!!
    What a lovely post tonight that I have read. Iam just getting around to reading and catching up on your blog. Remember we are all praying for your dear darling Amy. Her love is as bright as a star and she is a shining example of God's pure love.
    Hang in there and keep smiling
    love ya
    and here's a hug for you
    hugs,
    jamie

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  42. Debbie,
    As one mother to another there are just no words that I can think of to say.....to ease your heavy heart......may your butterfly fly on eagles wings.......
    Blessings
    Lynn

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  43. Dear Debbie,
    My heart goes out to you and your family. Dear, sweet Amy is such a wonderful person, so brave, so strong. May she find peace and relief from her suffering.

    My prayers are with you.

    Claudia

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  44. What a wonderful story about your Amy girl. I can't even imagaine and I get goosebumps when I think about what you all are going thru. I am so very, very sorry and am holding you all up in prayer. Sandie

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  45. Dear Debbie,
    My eyes are filled with tears. It breaks my heart to think of your child suffering. Please know we are all thinking of you every day and praying too. Cindy

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  46. Praying for Amy...
    Praying for you...
    God listens...

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  47. called to prayer for you and your husband in the night.
    Steve and I are praying for you
    be embraced.

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  48. Dear Debbie
    I am so sorry Amy is going through this. I know it has been very hard on all of you. My grandfather flew free last night at home from cancer. I couldn't cry when I heard the news an hour ago. But the tears are flowing now after reading your wonderful post about who Amy is.
    My prayers are with you all.
    Dawn

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  49. I agree with all the others, I am glad you shared your thoughts and grief. I feel as though I personally know Amy through you and Sherry. I cannot tell you what is in my heart but it is so full. PRAYING AS ALWAYS, at supper Bill asked God simply, "to help Amy in one way or another". Love you all, Kerrie

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  50. I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through. I have only one child, a daughter, and if anything ever happened to hear, I'd be shattered.

    I will pray for you and your Amy.

    Kind Regards,
    Doris

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  51. Praying...
    Debbie, if you sit close to Amy could you sing her the song, softly, "On the Wings of a Snow White Dove" I just know she would hear you. She will be comforted again by your voice.

    Praying.....

    Blessings from Carol & Alexey Rae

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  52. I simply cannot read your blog about Amy and not tear up for you. My heart is heavy as I lift you up in prayer Debbie. I am praying for you and for Amy and your family. Every step is guided by our Father. I'll be back tomorrow.

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  53. Debbie, I am thinking of you right now and holding you close in heart.

    I sent a card to Amy today and did like you all have been asking, put a large smiley face on the envelope. I don't know when it will arrive, but I wanted her/you to have it. Yesterday was a holiday so I couldn't mail it then.

    Sending much, much love your way...

    XO,

    Sheila :-)

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  54. Debbie, I am holding you all close in my heart.

    Your Amy is surely one of the wonderful gifts God entrusts to us. I know He is carrying each of you.

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  55. Still thinking and praying for you.

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  56. I'm not even going to pretend I know how you feel, I don't. I have lost a spouse, very young nephew, my mom and various other family members...but a child? Not sure I even want to understand God's plan, just want peace that surpasses understanding to flood through your veins...Love

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  57. Debbie ~ prayers of strength for your family are always there.......

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  58. Debbie, I'm sending much love ♥♥♥♥, many hugs and prayers for Amy and you today...

    ~Lynn/OKC

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  59. Oh Debbie,
    I am so sorry to read this as I finally get caught up enough to make blog rounds...my heart truly does ache for you. what a journey of faith this life is...I know your mother's heart is broken. Just know that the *Father* loves you and Amy beyond EVERYTHING. I will remember your family in my prayers.
    Rene'

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  60. I was just checking back. Debbie - you and Amy are in my prayers. I am lifting up your family in prayer. My heart aches for you.

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  61. Howdy Sweetie Pie
    Big Hugs with lots of love for you and Amy .
    I have no great gift with words as you and your sister have or talent like your beautiful Amy Dawn so I send you love and prayers for each of you today !
    I may not comment often but I am still out here in spirit praying for all that you and yours have need of each moment.
    God's love is so vast for you and your dear Amy please remember you are all loved so very much!
    I have no reasons,no understanding of why you have had to travel this road but please know I would give to you what ever help I could if I were there with you ,so in the mean time please accept my love,prayers and hugs .
    I love ,love love you my blogging friend !!!!!!!
    Heavenly Father I ask that you carry my precious sister in Christ in your loving hands this week as she walks through such a dark place help her to look up where there is the light of Christ to light her along the path she is on .
    Bless Debbie and Richard and Amy and their son ,help their hearts deliver them from evil and release a mountain of a miracle unto them in Jesus Name
    amen
    Hugs with love from Texas

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  62. Debbie, I just stopped by to let you know you are all still in my prayers. laurie

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  63. I just saw the comment you left on Cathi's. I don't know what to say. But I must leave a hug for you all. I will be thinking and praying for you and Amy...

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debbie